Trying to find words to describe the myriad of emotions that I feel right now is basically impossible. However, I wanted to just explain all that has happened over the last week/month so that it may help someone else in the long run. I have had many people reach out to me who have walked this road already with their child and I am so appreciative and know that I will be taking each of you up on your advice as I know how to seek it.  I hope that our journey will also help others in the long run.

Back at the beginning of December I took Sammy to the doctor for a cough he had had for a good month. Doc said his lungs were clear just start him on claritin once a day. We did that, but the cough continued. Then, about a month ago Sammy began wetting the bed.  At 5 years old, never even peeing the bed during potty training, my mama mind thought. "What in the world? Are you having nightmares?  Has someone hurt you?" Then he began to be thirsty all the time, always wanting water.  He would get up about 5 times a night to pee and sneak some water because we would cut him off around 6 p.m. to try to eliminate the all night peeing.  Last Thursday he began throwing up.  If you live in Ormond, you know that the stomach bug is going around terribly so of course I thought it had hit our house. He laid around all day Friday and seemed to feel better Saturday morning so we spent all morning at the skate park. By Saturday afternoon, he crashed and told me that his tongue hurt.  I looked at it and it had blisters all over it.  Again, my mama mind starts going through our other 5 kid's diagnosis from the past and thought he must have hand, foot & mouth.  He laid around all Sunday and then threw up 3 times during the night.  Derrick and I took him to the doctor first thing Monday morning, she opened the door, looked at him and told us he was going straight to the hospital.  He was lethargic and had labored breathing. I thought he might have had pneumonia since Jesse had similar symptoms when he had his bouts with it but his diagnosis was a lot more life changing than expected.

When we got to the hospital, they took him straight back to a bed, started him on fluids and began to explain to us that our son has Type 1 Diabetes. He explained that nothing could have been done to prevent this and unlike Type 2 Diabetes, which can be managed and prevented by diet, our son's pancreas would never again produce insulin and he would be insulin dependent for life. He was in a state of Diabetic ketosis acidosis.  This is why he was vomiting (his body could no longer process food) and having labored breathing...his body was almost in a state of shock.   All of his symptoms, the bed wetting, the continual thirst, the crankiness, the vomiting, the sores on his tongue (dehydration)...all of it caused by this disease. The only thing we haven't figured out is the cough, but suspect that it could just be the way his body reacts to his low immunity. So parents, if you ever see any of these symptoms, don't just assume it's the norm.  I'm learning it's better to be safe than sorry and will stop trying to self diagnose. Even his weight loss that had occured over the last couple of weeks I assumed he had finally hit his growth spurt and was "Stretching out." If I would have kept assuming, Sammy would not be here today.

Sammy was in the PICU for 3 days.  The amount of love that everyone has shown our family has been amazing.  I can honestly say, there was someone visiting us the entire time we were there during visiting hours.  Your love and support is definitely seeing us through this difficult time.  If fact, there was one point where Derrick looked at me and asked, "Is it crazy that we are not panicking???" I assured him it was all the prayers going up for us and that we were experiencing God's overwhelming peace. So thank you for the many prayers that have been lifted up!

It has been a roller coaster however. He was released yesterday morning and we drove to Orlando to Nemours and spent 8 hours in training on how to live with this disease.  We got home last night feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and scared to now be on our own.  Our first stress was fixing his first dinner at home, which we had measured out just right, and we gave him the insulin to support the exact amount of food that he was about to eat.  Food that he had to begin eating within 15 minutes of his insulin injection.  He ate all of his chicken, but just couldn't seem to swallow the food with carbs which is what he received insulin for.  We start panicking to try to find something quick and how to measure it out for him to eat.  We managed, but it was quite stressful to say the least.

For those who know our Sammy, you know that he is quite remarkable.  Everyone tells us that he will be the mayor of Ormond one day. :)  He literally walks into any room and acts as though he owns it.  He speaks to and acknowledges everyone he walks by.  He is very happy go lucky and everyone loves him.  Even with all of this going on, he has not complained, not asked, "Why me?", taken his shots like a man...oh wait, better than a man (haha), and has just rolled with the punches.  He amazes me.  I know he's only 5 and doesn't understand the severity of it all, but there have been no fits thrown. The rest of us family members have not handled it quite as well. We are trying to be strong in front of him, but when we took his last blood sugar of the night and it was extremely high, everyone but Sammy went to bed crying.

I don't understand why God has chosen him to carry this burden, but I do know that God will carry him through it each and every day unless He chooses to heal him...which I know our God can do. 
So our new normal, for now, is counting out carbs, measuring portions, pricking fingers, giving shots, and eating on a schedule.  I know it could be much worse too. 

"Dear brothers and sisters, when trouble of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy."  James 1:2

 I have never posted this picture before.  As a matter of fact I don't even think my children have ever seen this picture or if they even know I held this title.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure if Facebook existed back in the day when I won the title of Miss University of Mobile (Yes, I'm old.) I would have posted this picture and probably hundreds more of the pageant, but only because that's what you do if you're on FB...you post your life.  I am not a pageant girl.  I had never done a pageant before and never did one after.  I did this pageant because I wanted to win the money to record a CD.  So why am I posting this picture now?  This time in my life was a major "Ah Ha!" moment in my walk with Christ, and honestly, I needed a little reminder of this moment. 

Since I was in high school I began praying for God to use my life in a mighty way for His glory.  I wanted to draw as many people to the throne of God as I could and share with them how my relationship with Jesus was like no other.  I found myself, however, praying, "Use me Lord, but I can't do this or that because it might interfere with MY plans."  When I was in college, I wanted to be married more than anything so I refused to try out for certain music touring groups or anything that might get in the way of me getting married.  God finally, in His loving, gentle way, said to me, "You keep telling me to use you, but you have so many conditions on this, that I'm not ever finding you available to do the things I have for you."  I was so convicted.  There's no telling how many wonderful things God had in store for me that I missed out on because I was so stuck to my feeble minded plans.  At that moment I began praying, "God, I want You to use me in a mighty way!  No conditions!  Whatever Your plan and will is for me, that's what I want and I pray that many will come to know You through it and that You will be glorified.

So I did audition for the Universities travel band called, Vision, and was able to tour with them for a year singing and sharing God's love all over the place.  This pageant was another thing that I did and in winning the title, I again had the opportunity to travel all over, singing and sharing my testimony of how the God of the universe unconditionally loved me so much...no matter what my past looked like, and no matter what mistakes He knew I would make in the future, His love was deeper and wider and more fulfilling than anything they could imagine. 

I did not use my winnings to make a CD, but I did get engaged during my reign as Miss University of Mobile and was able to use that money towards a wedding instead.  God's timing was perfect and I grew so much in that year as I learned to trust God with my life- every detail of it!  He stretched me to do things I never thought I would do.  He equipped me to do what He called me to do and I am thankful that God provided many opportunities for me to share about His love and faithfulness.

Here I am again at a new chapter in my life.  For the last 17 years I have been totally devoted to the six wonderful gifts that God entrusted to me to call my children.  I have changed more diapers than I care to mention, done more laundry than you can imagine, made more school lunches, cleaned up so many messes, driven to so many practices, attended so many games, and those who are mothers know that the list goes on and on.  I am still doing a lot of those things, but my kids are not as needy and dependent on their mama as they used to be.  They are all growing into amazing young men and little women and my heart couldn't be more full.  Their independence now begins a new chapter for me as their mama.  Sammy started school this year and for the first time in 17 years, ALL of my kids are in school.  Over the last year I have been seeking God's direction for me in this new phase.  What He wants for me to do to honor Him with my time and also what I can do to help our family financially.  However, I have found myself still praying to be used in a mighty way for His glory but again with many conditions.  So, many years later, God has gently reminded me to, "Trust in Him with ALL my heart and to lean not on my own understanding.  In all my ways acknowledge Him and He will make my paths straight."  Prov.3:5

God also promises in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to hurt you. Plans to give you hope and a good future."  So I cling to this and look with expectancy and excitement of what God has in store.  I seek for Him to use me with no conditions and I encourage you to do the same! I encourage you to surrender to Him every area of your life in 2019.  Look with expectancy of all that He will do in and through your life!  Seek to be used in mighty ways and never doubt what the Savior can do with your life!!!  Be bold in your asking and strong in your believing!  Happy New Year!

Not only is this month a month where we focus on all that we are thankful for, it is also National Adoption Month and to me these two go hand in hand!  There are really no words to express my thankfulness about two of the most wonderful gifts I could have ever received!  In my feeble earthly thoughts, I had my ways all planned out, but God had something different in mind and it was more than I could have ever imagined!  Through the gift of adoption, I became a mom...something I had dreamt about my entire life.  Through the gift of adoption, I was able to experience love in a whole new way.  Through the gift of adoption, I was able to cuddle a sweet baby that I could call my own.  Through the gift of adoption, I was able to sing to my baby, tuck them in at night, hold their hand when they were scared, make their booboo's all better, wipe their tears, make them feel safe. Through the gift of adoption, I've had the honor to guide and nurture them as they are getting older. Through the gift of adoption, I have been able to laugh uncontrollably, love unconditionally and know that I would give my life to protect them.  Through the gift of adoption, my dreams came true and I was blessed with the two most amazing sons. 

Though I shook my fist at God many times during my years of infertility for not blessing my womb, God knew exactly what He was doing! (Go figure!)  I cannot imagine my life without my two oldest sons!  I love them more than life itself!  God had planned before I was even created that He was going to knit me to be their mom.  I thank God every day for entrusting me with their precious lives.  I'm forever grateful to their birth mothers who CHOSE to give them life and also for their trust in me to love them forever. 

For those who know me, you know that God did finally choose to bless my womb as well...four times!  For those who may be considering adoption, take it from one who has both adopted and biological children, there is NO difference in the love that I have for each of my children!  They are all "my own", they are all my precious blessings from above!  God's ways are always best...trust Him!  Adoption is a blessing like none other!

Derrick and I brought each of them home from the hospital when they were born and we have had the privilege to watch them grow into such outstanding young men.  I can't wait to see all that God has in store for their lives.  I know God wants to use each of them in a mighty way and through the gift of adoption...He will be able to!

Honesty...isn't that what blogs are for????
Well, it's been a while but here I am. 

It seems I'm in a new transition in life.  That whole, "What am I going to be when I grow up thing.."
My whole life I had dreams of being a wife and a mom.  Of course there were other dreams too like, full time worship leader, or book/song writer, but my first and foremost was to be a mom.  I waited for years, shaking my fist at God wondering if He was hearing my pleas to be a mom, but then, after years of infertility...BOOM!  He answered!  In His time and in His way, I now have 6 beautiful kids.  I have to admit that it was far better than I could have ever imagined!  Over the last 16 years, I have had the privilege of raising the most wonderful, respectful, beautiful children that the Lord designed me to be their mom.  Of course that journey is not over, but the stage of Independence is arriving.  I have 2 with their driving permits and my youngest is in pre-school, just steps away to full-time schooling.  Yes, I admit that right now I am Uber Mom...full time in my car taking kids one place to another with 4 school drop offs and 4 school pick-ups, with football, gymnastics and youth groups on 2 different nights to throw into the mix (if only I could get paid for this), but this is my life for a season!  However, call it mid-life crisis, or what in the heck am I to do next, I'm in a funk!

For those who know me well, know that my music is what drove me in my early years before kids.  I worked at a middle and high school, teaching theory and chorus and then at a school of music and performing arts teaching voice, piano and drama until Eli was born and I quit the day he arrived.  Derrick and I chose from day one that I would always be a stay at home mom and I have fulfilled that promise since Eli, our oldest was born.    Now, the kids are older, more independent and our budget is thinner than ever before and I'm trying to figure out how in the world I'm supposed to help!  As I sang with Ginny Owens this weekend at church, I kept thinking to myself, "She has the life I always wanted...song writing and performing."  And then I remind myself that this was my second dream....God had fulfilled my first dream!  My dream to be a wife and a mom.  A dream that doesn't get paid, but a dream that is one of the most fulfilling dreams you could have!  I do believe it is one of the most highest callings you could ever have!  Yes, I chose this.  I chose to give up an income and all the fancy things that go along with this, to be able to be at home with my kids.  We do without the finer things in life because of it, but I know that it will all be worth it in the long run! 
But, here I am.  Now with a few hours to spare between car line drop offs and pick ups.  What do I do with these hours?  How can I help my family financially???  If you have more than one child, you know it cost a fortune to just feed your growing child!  I never question God's provision in my dream of children, and God has always provided, but geez!!! It's stressful trying to provide for 6 kiddos!  And I'm not the one providing!  Just nurturing!  I guess where my honesty comes in is this...Since our children have been born, I have never relieved any pressure of providing for our family.  I would LOVE to relieve some of this pressure.  So, for now, my honesty is this...I'm going to start teaching voice and piano again.  Please pray that God will provide through this and specifically, it has to be home schoolers or adults to participate because my mornings and afternoons at this point are in my car.    I am posting my flyer, just in case you happen to read this and are interested. 
Bottom line is this, however:  God equips you to do what He calls you to do and He always provides!                           


Marci Shirley has a Bachelor of Science in Music Education with a Vocal Concentration from the University of Mobile.  She graduated in the top of her class, was a member of Alpha Chi, National College Honor Scholarship Society, Kappa Delta Pi, won The Area Award for Music Education, was in Who’s Who Among American Universities & Colleges, served as Miss University of Mobile, and has been singing and leading worship since she was a little girl.

She was a middle and high school choral & theory instructor in the school system and has also worked at a School of Music & Performing Arts as a vocal, piano and drama instructor.

One of her passions is leading worship, which she does at Salty Church most weekends.  Marci is a mom of 6 great children and several of them love to lead worship, sing and act just as she did.

She will be teaching 30 minute vocal or piano lessons from the hours of 9-2 on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.  Please feel free to contact her with any questions and see what slots she has available!
$100/month, $25/30 minute lesson
Payment must be made on 3rd week of each month to pay for next month
If you cancel lesson, you may make up on Friday or another available slot, otherwise lose lesson.


Email:     marcikshirley@yahoo.com
Phone:   321-331-3796

Wow! As I sit here and try to collect my thoughts, I really am overwhelmed at everything I have experienced this weekend.  As the tears roll down my cheeks, I am trying to piece together all the elements that are in my head.  I'm going to try to  share them with you and I pray that I make sense!  :)
I'm going to start with a little background to how I got to this new journey in my life.  If you look at the left picture, that was the Marci that was headed down a road a road of destruction.  Some may think that "destruction" might be a strong word to use, but if you think of it as "loss of life", then to me...that is destruction!  I'll explain more in detail as I start processing through all of these elements in my head and pray that they make sense on paper. 

Element 1:  Appearance

I do not think of myself as a vain person ["having or showing an excessively high opinion of one's appearance, abilities or worth"], but I am a lady who would like to look in the mirror and feel good about what I see. The Marci on the left didn't even want to look in the mirror anymore and when I did, I didn't even recognize the person reflected before me.  I looked at pictures of myself with shame.  I dreaded having to get dressed each day because I couldn't fit into any clothes in my closet and I refused to go out and buy one more size larger, which I had done many times already.  This trickled into every area of my life.
*It made me grumpy, especially with my kids who always seemed to find me when I was trying on 5 different things to find something that fit.
*It made me feel much more bashful with my husband as I never wanted him to see me in the light (If you know what I mean.) ;)
*It robbed me of my joy every Sunday before I went to worship the Lord with my church family.
*My confidence level was diminished!
I could go on and on, but I think it's easy to say that my love of eating was controlling my life. So let's go on for now to Element 2.

Element 2:  Health

Back in February I went to the doctor and told her something HAD to be wrong with me.  I felt terrible, I had no energy and I just kept gaining weight.  I told her that something had to be wrong with my thyroid or that I was per-menopausal or something!  She did a whole slew of blood tests and neither of those were true.  She found nothing wrong with me.  It was my extra 30 pounds that was beginning to literally weigh me down, steal my energy and if I continued, would probably head towards being diabetic.  All because I couldn't say "NO!" to french fries!

It was because of these 2 elements that I finally decided it was time to make a change.  I new that no one else could do that for me but me.  I had seen an old friend's before and after picture on Facebook.  She had lost 30 pounds in 12 weeks.  She looked amazing and she has kept it off for about 2 years now.  I had not talked to her in probably 15 years but I decided to swallow my pride, contact her and find out what her secret was...I thank God so much every day that I did!  On April 15th, 2016, I started the program that had helped my friend so much and she became my health coach.  When I started this, I was doing it to lose weight and regain my energy only.  I am just now truly processing out all of the amazing benefits that this new path is leading me down.  What I thought was just a "weight loss program" has now become life changing, which leads me to the following elements that I'm processing through.

Element 3:  Weight Loss

In 14 weeks I hit my goal of being 30 pounds lighter.  I have lost 15 1/2" as well.  Seriously friends! 
15 1/2"!  I have regained my energy and can fit into some of the clothes in my closet.  I say some because a lot of the clothes that I had outgrown are now to big for me.  My confidence is back and I can't tell you how many of my friends have told me that I'm just glowing.  Just like the gift of Salvation that I've been given through Jesus that I must always share about, I feel like I have been given the gift of health that I must share as well which leads me to Element 4.

Element 4:  Becoming an Optimal Wellness Coach

I can't imagine NOT sharing this wonderful program!  This program not only works, but it is done without taking pills, without having to count calories and on top of that...it is NOT a diet program!  A diet has a start and a stop.  This program is an optimal wellness program that teaches you how to eat healthy for life!  It teaches you how to have better sleep patterns.  It teaches you how to change your thought process so that food does not have to control you.  It is a program that comes with a huge community that becomes a second family to you.  I have been astounded at the testimonies that I have heard this past weekend at the convention!  Amazing!  The hearts of the leaders as they talk about their faith in God and their love for people.  I feel so honored to have the privilege to be a part of this!  The optimal wellness way of this program is as follow:

*Healthy Body-  I have lost 30 pounds and 15 1/2' and my energy is back.

*Healthy Mind-  Romans 12:2 says, "Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind!"  I can truly say my mind has been transformed in this area of my life!  The temporary pleasure and addiction of eating all of my comfort foods no longer has a hold on me!  I have taken this area of my life and placed it back under the Lordship of Christ!  The freedom is surreal!  I can now sit around all the pizza, chips and fried foods and it doesn't phase me!  I can go into a restaurant now and choose the delicious grilled food and veggies and be perfectly happy!  I feel like a new person!

*Healthy Finances-  Derrick and I made a decision when we first got married that I would stay home with our children, once the Lord blessed us with some, and the day that my 15 year old son was born, I quit my job.  I have not worked for 15 years.  I don't know if you know it or not, but having an 8 member family ain't  cheep!  My husband has carried the financial burden on his own for 15 years now (on a minister's salary) and I can't tell you how excited I am that I may now be able to share in that load!  AND I get to do it right out of my home!!!  I don't have to go clock in anywhere and I get to stay with all of my precious gifts that God has given me! 

That is my testimony...why would I not want to share that and help someone else find the freedom that I have found?

Element 5: Spiritual

This is the most exciting and the most important element to me!  I have always prayed for God to use me in a mighty way.  I pray every day for the Lord to use me for His glory.  As I know that our walk with the Lord is always a journey and a process, I look back over the last couple of years and realize that I have been daily offering myself to the Lord in all my brokenness.  DO NOT get me wrong!  God works through brokenness!  But I was choosing to stay in my brokenness!

Romans 12:1 says, "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God- this is your true and proper worship!"

I Corinthians 6:19-20 says, "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you,whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your bodies!"

WOW!  I have been in the ministry all of my life as a worship pastor's daughter and a pastor's wife.  I have heard these scriptures all of my life, but chose to ignore them?!?!?
God has given me one life. ONE LIFE!!!!!  My passion is truly to be used by God in a mighty way- but now I am going to be the best me I can be, through God's strength and for His glory!  I will offer myself to him..healthy, full of energy and ready to help anyone that He entrusts to me!

So my question to you is...ARE YOU THE BEST YOU THAT YOU CAN BE?

One of my favorite t.v. shows is "Undercover Boss".  I cry every time I watch it and just dream of being able to help someone out like the undercover boss helps out his employees.  Although I don't have money to offer you, I have something so much more!  First and foremost, if you haven't ever trusted Jesus with your life, I would LOVE to talk to you about how much He loves you and desires a relationship with you.  But the other gift I can offer you is to walk beside you to help you be the best you that you can be!  To find your confidence again.  To get you off of all those medications that you are on because of imbalanced blood sugars or high blood pressure.  To help you have more energy and less aches and pains. To help you be able to do all of the activities that you have loved or maybe new dreams that you would love to attain. To help you be able to play with your children or grandchildren.  To help you extend the quality of your life or maybe even the length of your life so that you will be around to see your children's children and more.  To help you make the most of this life that God has given you! 

John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;  I have come that they may have life, and have it full." 

Don't let the enemy waste your life away in bondage and defeat!  We are over comers through Christ and I would find it an honor and a privilege to help you find optimal health!

As this Thanksgiving Day of 2015 is coming to a close I started thinking about many things.  For starters, the argument I had with my husband just a few hours earlier for never taking a serious picture, as you can see in the above photo...I had to stop and be thankful that I have a husband that loves me dearly and is an amazing husband and father to our six children.  He has always cared for, protected, provided for and sacrificed for our family.  I am so grateful for him and for the Lord allowing our paths to cross 25 years ago, even if he does always do fish-lips or gropings in every picture.

On a more serious note, I haven't written in a while.  Not because I didn't want to, I love to write, I actually yearn to write; but more because I let the enemy steal the joy from me.   Over the last 10 years or so Derrick and I have journeyed through life together in the ministry...the good, the bad and the ugly.  If you've followed any of my posts, you've read about some of those good and bad times.  In the midst of it all, I believe I became cynical.  I didn't want to write because I didn't want my life on a page for all to read.  In a way, just wanted to be left alone.  I realize now that I totally succumbed to the enemies schemes.  That was just where the good 'ol devil himself wanted me.  Well, I'm putting the past behind me and moving forward and plan to write, whether anyone reads or cares or not. :)  I guess if anything I say about life, marriage, children, frustrations, joys, ministry, trials or celebrations can help just one person, it's worth putting my life out there!

I've decided that there is no better time than Thanksgiving to realize the riches I have in the friendships that God has given me.  There are friends that I can truly say that I have had since I was little bitty.  No, we don't see each other that much anymore in person, but thanks to that crazy thing called Facebook, I am able to keep up with them and I know that if I ever needed them they would be there with a listening ear in a heart beat to pray for and encourage me.  Other friends I have gained through the years of school and ministry and some friendships that I have clung to as they have been my life support in difficult times.  New friends that I have recently made that I look forward to growing old with.  Each of you know who you are and I want you to know I thank God for your friendships and I will never take your friendship for granted!

As I was having a conversation with someone today about a stroke victim and how that person would forever be disabled because of this, I couldn't help but flash back to three years ago at this very time.  My mom, Derrick and the kids and I sat around a dining room table for Thanksgiving, trying to make the most of a restaurant bought meal (which I am very thankful for btw), as my Daddy laid in a hospital bed from suffering a major brain aneurysm just a few weeks prior.  How can I take for granted that the doctors said he shouldn't even be alive and I sat with him today without even one little sign of his stroke shining through.  As well as the strength that God filtered through my sweet Mama during this time...something that I will never forget and will always see God's faithfulness portrayed though her in this situation. I thank You and praise You for the Godly parents that You entrusted me to and I thank you God for every minute You allow me to have my family here on this earth!  Each moment is treasured and never taken for granted!

I'm thankful that my brother's family is in a happy place!  That my sister-in-law is Martha Stewart in disguise and hosted an army at her house today for Thanksgiving meal.  That my brother is faithfully serving You as he leads people to You and mentors those in their home church;  and that their four boys are growing in You, marrying sweet precious young women, and living out their dreams.

I'm thankful that I consider my in-laws to be two of my best friends.  I love them to death and am so blessed to call them "Mom & Dad."  Now, from stories that I've heard about in-laws, I know I'm not ever to take that for granted!  ;)

I'm thankful that even though I don't get to see my other sister-in-law and brother-in-law very much, I know that God blessed me with another sis and bro and they would be there for me in a heart beat if I needed them as I would be for them.  Thankful that I have watched my nephew grow up into a successful musician and so proud of his accomplishments!

As Derrick and I just had one of our "family talks" with our 6 kiddos tonight, reminding them about respecting others, gratefulness and living their lives to the best for Jesus, I sat there and looked into each of their eyes and was reminded of the awe of how much of a blessing each of these children are.  I prayed all of my life for God to allow me to be a mother, and even though they came much later than MY plans, and even though they drive me and each other crazy at times, they are 6 of the hugest blessings I have ever had!!!!  I will never take for granted that I have 6 proofs of God's amazing love and faithfulness and I adore each and every one of them.

And lastly, but most importantly, I thank You God for loving me.  Just little 'ol me.  Despite my shortcomings, my failures, my doubts, my fears.  Despite the times I've strayed thinking my ways were best.  Despite the times I have placed other things, even the things that You have given to me, of higher importance to You.  Despite my busyness in the lists I thought I had to get done instead of spending time with You.  Despite it all, You have loved me just the same.  Your love for me has never wavered.  You are the same yesterday, today and forever.  You are faithful and good.  Your mercies are new every morning.  No matter how ugly this world gets, I know that the victory is Yours and I have the privilege of being on the winning team...and for this, Jesus, I am eternally gratefully and I will never take it for granted!

I wrote this poem after suffering through infertility for about 5 years.  I had always held on with a fist tight grip to MY plans and MY agenda that I thank God every day for opening my eyes to HIS plans and HIS agenda!  After 6 long years of infertility and longing so desperately to be a mom, Derrick and I were gifted with one of the most amazing gifts...far more than I could have ever imagined...our precious Eli Zane!  14 years ago today our precious son was born.  Although I did not carry Eli in my womb, I cannot imagine loving him any more than I do.  My heart is so full of gratitude first of all to God for having such a bigger picture and plan in mind for us.  Also for his birth mother who made the choice to give Eli life and for allowing us the privilege to be his parents!  

Eli is an amazing young man with a tender heart.  He is our rule follower and makes sure everyone else stays in line with the rules as well.  He is smart, handsome, a great big brother, a talented basketball player, a huge help to me as our oldest and most importantly he loves the Lord!  I love watching him grow in stature (he loves that he is taller than me now) and in his relationship with Jesus.  I love him more than words can describe and feel so blessed to be his Mama!  

If you are reading this today and are suffering with infertility, please open your heart to God's bigger picture!  It truly makes my heart cringe when I hear couples say that they just want to wait and "have kids of their own".  Having now both adopted and biological children, I can tell you that there is absolutely no difference in the love that I have for them and our adopted sons are just as much our own as the ones I gave birth to!  You could possibly be missing out on the greatest blessing that God wants to give you!

If by some chance these pages cross the path of someone contemplating abortion, please choose to give your baby life!!!  There are many couples who would love to raise your sweet baby and give them love and provision that you don't feel as though you can.  The world would not be the same if Eli Zane was not a part of it and I know God has a plan for your baby as well!!!

     HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELI!!!

Whew!  What a past couple of months it's been!  I went from nursing my husband and four of my kids well from the flu, to then taking my hubby to the ER a couple of times with extreme abdominal pain which knocked him out of commission for 2 weeks and is still an ongoing process of doctor visits to find out the issue.  All the while, my daughter got MRSA in her leg and was possibly going  to have surgery on her lymph node, which required me to take her across town every other day to be checked.  And then my youngest son got MRSA in his leg which required antibiotics and multiple visits. But wait, there's more...had to pick Jesse up from book club early last Monday because he had a high fever which he had for a couple of days.  Then, just when I thought all the doctor visits were done, Sammy decided to get the high fever for a couple of days.  Meanwhile, between hospital visits, doctor visits and trying to keep up with my nursing skills, I also had to take over Derrick's job of sports each night for those kids that were not sick.  I also got to wake up each morning to my sweet little Ciera having complete over the top meltdowns at 6:30 a.m. because she didn't know what to wear.  (My Mama told me I'm getting paid back for that one :)
In the mix of all this craziness, we were so saddened when Derrick's Uncle passed away very unexpectedly...just when we were looking forward to seeing him on Thanksgiving.  Also, in the midst of it, got news that my Dad has prostate cancer.  

I'm not going to say that the past few weeks haven't been stressful or wearisome, but through it all, God's faithfulness has seen me through!  God never promised that this life wouldn't be hard, but He does assure us in His word that He will give us the strength to sustain us, grace to calm us, and thank God for the joy that comes in the morning!  I truly can't imagine life that chooses not to embrace Him.  Where do they find their peace?  In their family?  What happens when one of their family members pass away?  In their drug of choice?  What happens when the high wares off?  In what do they hope?  Just a fun filled life that will end in death and boom it's all over?  To whom do they place their trust?  I don't think there is a human alive that will not let you down in one way or another.  Even if your scientific mind cannot wrap around the proof of a loving God that they read about in the Bible, what do you have to lose to place your trust in Him?  That's the whole point, your relationship with Jesus comes from faith...believing in the things you cannot see.

I have been through many difficult things in my life, and in comparison to some they may seem minor, I know things can always be worse.  However, even in just the day to day of life...dealing with teenager's attitudes or 5 year old melt downs I can assure you that the only thing that gets me through is experiencing the love of my Creator.  By growing closer to Him through His word every day and leaning on the promises that are all throughout His Word.  I have experienced His peace in the midst of turmoil and oh my goodness how I rejoice when I see His daily blessings in my life! 

I pray that my children will grow in the Lord every day so that they too will know His peace, grace, unconditional love, mercy, patience, strength and faithfulness!  So that they will know, regardless of their circumstances, that their Creator knows about every single detail in their lives and wants to give them a hope and a good future (Jeremiah 29:11)!  
I was unable to be at church Sunday morning because of Samuel being sick, but I know Jesus was smiling big as Carmen led her favorite worship song in church!  Yep!  This makes a mama gleam!

I say all of the above, not to be whining about my last couple of months but to encourage you to think about what's getting you through?  Is it satisfying?  Will it always be there?  Can you rely on it no matter what?  In this season of Thankfulness, I have to say I am most thankful for my relationship with Jesus.  I am so undeserving of His love, and yet He continues to love me...not only that, He chooses to bless me time and time again.  There is a new song that I love that says, 


Just to know You and
To make You known
We lift Your name on High
Shine like the sun make darkness run and hide
We know we were made for so much more
Than ordinary lives
It's time for us to more than just survive
We were made to thrive


I want so much more than just to survive!  I want to thrive!  


I want this for you too!  

Wow!  19 years!  I have to say I'm feeling a little old...I should still be 19 years old!  As I was going through our wedding pictures, God nudged me with His still small voice with a gentle reminder.  If you notice the car on the bottom right corner of the collage, it may just look like a nice car to most but that was an answer to a life-long dream.  

Derrick has always loved convertible VW Bugs...white on white VW Bugs.  He had always dreamed of riding away with his bride in one.  We looked and looked to try to rent one but could not find one anywhere.  The week of our wedding, we were riding down one of Mobile's busiest roads and a man happened to drive past us in that white on white VW Bug.  We approached a red light and before I knew it, Derrick swerved into the middle lane, hopped out of the car and ran up to the front of the line to approach the man.  The man kindly pulled off the road and Derrick asked him if we could use it for our "get away car" after our wedding.  Unbelievably, the man gave us that car for the whole week of our wedding.  This was not a life changing event, nor was it a matter of life and death.  This was a matter of God caring about even the little things.  He could have allowed a red VW bug to ride by and I'm sure Derrick would have been satisfied, but it was the exact color and style that he had always wanted.

This was just the beginning of our 19 years together and I can truly say that God has cared for us in this way our whole marriage.  His answers have not always been as we would have expected but He has always been faithful to answer.  As we prayed for 6 years for Him to bless my womb, He had something different in mind...two amazing boys that were gifted through adoption and then after 8 years of infertility we had 4 more.  He answered bigger and better than we could have ever imagined.  Our ministry together has been wonderful and God has allowed us to see some incredible things and continues to answer in His way and in His timing.  

The gentle reminder:  God is still on the throne, still at work in our lives, still faithful, still cares about every detail of our lives and loves us more than we could ever fathom.  Thank You Lord for Your gentle nudges!  I know that, "He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it!" Philippians 1:6

I have been in the ministry for 42 years.  42 of those years as a worship pastor's daughter and 19 of those 42 years as a worship/lead pastor's wife.  I have to say that growing up in the Bible belt was much different than serving in the melting pot of Florida however.  As the daughter of a minister, I'm sure I was sheltered much of the hardships faced by ministers.  My parents never discussed anything in front of me as far as disgruntled members or such.  There are also many differences when you are a part of a 5000 member church because when a few families decide to walk away from that church body, only those closest to them would know.  Despite not hearing any negatives of living in a pastor's home, as a young child I had said that I would never marry anyone in the ministry.  I wanted to be a part of a "normal" family that didn't have to be at church around the clock and I wanted to be a part of a family that could sit together in church.  My mom was always on the back row of a 200 voice choir loft (clearing her throat many times to make sure I was behaving in church) and my dad was always on the stage.  I was determined to marry a man that I could sit with in church!  However, when I was 16 I knew that God was calling me to a full-time Christian vocation in some sort and that happened to be the wife of a pastor.  Never say never!  :)

From that moment when I knew I wanted to serve God with everything that I was, I began praying for God to use my life in a mighty way to bring Him glory and to draw people to Him.  I surrendered my life at that time for whatever it was that He had in store for me, knowing that I desired to be used by Him to draw people to the love, grace and peace that I have experienced since I chose to have a personal relationship with Him.   It has been a privilege to serve the One who gave Himself for me and I would have it no other way, but I have to be honest in saying there have been many days when I wondered if I was still up for His calling on my life.  

A friend of mine just recently posted an article on facebook about a pastor's wife that was shopping one day and saw a lady that looked a lot like her.  She literally walked up to the lady and asked her if she would like to make $100/week.  The task to earn the money...sit on the front pew every Sunday morning posing as the pastor's wife.  The lady agreed and got away with it for 10 years.  Another friend of mine happened to post an article that same week by someone who had interviewed many pastor's wives and came up with "Nine Secret's Your Pastor's Wife Wishes You Knew". 
As I read both of these articles, I just wept because it happened to be a week that I would have liked to hire someone to sit in my spot and I would love for people to know what is hidden behind the smile that I put on every Sunday morning when I arrive at church.  I haven't written in a while, mainly because our whole world revolves around the calling that God has on us to lead, teach, shepherd, mentor, care for and pastor His people and I just couldn't pull the words together to make sense of all that was transpiring.  I still can't make sense of it, but I know that I can shed some light on things that, like the article I read above, every pastor's wife wishes you knew.
  
In our ministry together, Derrick and I  have seen great days where God's purpose was being served of people surrendering their lives to Him and we have witnessed tremendous life change.  We have seen marriages restored, people healed, and the broken hearted rejoice. We have witnessed those with a childlike faith see their prayers answered.  We have experienced and seen life-long relationships with a common bond of Jesus.  We have seen a rising generation excited about their creator and serving Him all of their days.  We have sat by the bedside of those who breathed their last breath and went to meet their maker.  We have visited many in the hospital, prayed with and held up those who are weak physically and those who are weak spiritually.  We have had the honor of conducting many wedding ceremonies.  We have also led many funerals of those who have gone on before us.  

It's for all of those wonderful experiences that we have found joy in the call that God has on us but in the midst of the purpose and the greatness of it all, there is an enemy that is looming about wanting only to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10).  Sad to say, I have never experienced this as much as I have over the last few years of our ministry.  I have to be real because I have no other way to sugar coat it.  I am so weary of crying.  Of hiding behind closed doors because I don't want my children to HATE church or church people.  I'm tired of my children hurting because their friend's families have left our church with no explanation and they never see their best friends again. I'm so exhausted from being "beat up" by "Christ followers" that I told Derrick the other day I would rather go hang out with a bunch of people that don't claim to be Christ followers because they treat us so much better.  Ah ha!  That's why Jesus hung out with all the sinners instead of all the Pharisees!   The gospels are very clear about how we are to act...they will know that we are Christians by our LOVE. (Jn 13:35/Mt 13:44)  It's no wonder that so many turn their backs on Christianity because they see the behavior of "Christians".

We served at a church for 8 years in Ocala, FL and we used to see pastors come through there all the time that were so wounded, exhausted and alone that they stepped out of the calling that God had at one time placed on their life.  I always thought how tragically sad that was and could never understand it.  

Hebrews 13:17 says, "Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you."   

"So that their work would be a joy..."  These men had given their lives to a very high calling of caring for the souls of the people that God entrusted to them and in return they were  shunned, judged, made fun of, and made to feel as though they couldn't do anything right.  This is exactly the way that the enemy would have it!  We, as church bodies, have to change this!  Especially in this day and age where the lines are being drawn in the sand between good and evil.  If we, as Christ followers, don't start standing firm on our firm foundation and begin behaving like Christ in ALL of our actions, there will be many that shun the name of Christ because of us!  
1 Corinthians 13, I know you know that is the love chapter.  Read it!  Read it again!  

Here are a few things you could do to support your faith family and your pastor:

1.  Think of your church family as you do your immediate family.
 
When Derrick and I were dating, he was a youth and music minister at a small church while he was going to college.  I began helping him with both of those ministries but also tried to cover my roles of choir member/children's choir teacher at the church that I grew up in.  I will never forget my dad sitting me down and talking to me about needing to choose which church I was going to serve wholeheartedly in.  Pick one and serve faithfully there.  Maybe this was a bible-belt type of lifestyle because it seems so foreign here in Florida.   People will go to one church for one thing they like, another church to get something else out of it and another church to feel totally fulfilled.  
As a wife and mom, I will serve my family faithfully and with my whole heart.  I will not get from my husband what he is good at, then go and get from another man what he is good at.  Enjoy some time with my kids but go do things with the neighbors kids more because I have more fun with them.  When things get hard, I will find a way to work it out and not just walk out the door.  It's in good times and bad...we as a church family need to understand this concept and realize if each church body began serving faithfully and wholeheartedly within their faith family, there could be such a greater impact on the community that they are in!

2.  A church family is to love one another, support one another, hold each other up, grow together in Christ.

This includes your pastor.  People tend to forget that pastor's are just as real and human as they are.  They have the same fears, insecurities, temptations, and emotions as you.  They will have times when they are low, weary and spent and will need you to hold them up just as they do for you.  I can't help but think about Exodus 17 when Moses' arms were tired and Aaron and Hur got a rock for him to sit on and held his arms up for him.  

Pastor's need this too.  A pastor's job is never over.  Unlike many secular jobs, pastor's are on call 24/7, 7 days a week.  They will have times that they need to be supported and held up by their faith family.  So many just walk out and leave because their needs are not presently being met.  "How dare our pastor have a time where he is not on a high!"  Love on and support the man of God that God has called to lead your faith family!  Not just on pastor appreciation day either!

3.  The 30-40 minute message you hear from your pastor on Sunday morning is not supposed to sustain your spiritual well being.  

As a Christ follower, you have to spend time with God to grow closer to God.  You can't expect to know the ways of the Lord if you are never in His word.  The Bible is a daily map for your life.  Study it, memorize it's promises, and live it out.  To say your pastor is not deep enough in his 30 minute sermon is very clear that you are depending on him to sustain your walk with Jesus.  Your walk is your walk.  Take responsibility  for it and get into a small group at your church.  Begin serving at your church. Spend intimate time with your Savior.  Your pastor can't do that for you.

4.  Realize that when God calls a man to pastor your church family,  as it said in the verse I mentioned above, Hebrews 13:17, your pastor has an account for your life and each ministry that is held within that church family.

No one likes to be corrected or told what to do but in any corporation, everything rises and falls on the owner of that business.  Who he hires, how he conducts his business and how each entity of that business functions ultimately falls on him.  As a pastor, God entrusts to him the flock that he is to lead, and every entity within each ministry falls back on him.  Don't criticize him for protecting the church body.  Support him and realize he accounts for it all.

5.  Take time to pray for your church family and your pastor!  

Instead of grumbling because someone didn't show up in their ministry area to serve or grumbling because you didn't like the pastor's message that day, pray for them!  Call that person that didn't show up and check on them.  Pray weekly for God to pour out His wisdom on your pastor so that he will be anointed in his teaching.
The enemy likes to disrupt within your church walls!  Stand in the gap and pray for your brothers and sisters in Christ.  Lift up your pastor and his family and know they are being attacked.  Encourage one another and pray without ceasing!


These are just a few things that I pray you will be encouraged to do for your church family and your pastor.  It's personally been a rough road these last few years and many times my smile on a Sunday morning is hiding the pain of hurt and loneliness.  And yet underneath the hurt is always the underlying joy of the Lord.  The confidence that "He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it!" Philippians 1:6  I continue to "run the race and not grow weary" and I know the "joy of the Lord is my strength!"

The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalms 28:7

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1