Over the last year I have had my dad diagnosed with kidney cancer, a dear friend just pass away with breast cancer, another childhood friend...a young mother of 4...diagnosed with colon cancer and several others that I know that are dealing with this terrible disease. I have seen these friends and loved ones courageously face and fight this battle and it has been a true inspiration to me. I still don't know if I could handle it with the grace that they have, but I know it encouraged me to go get checked! I know that my Savior tells me that He will see me through anything, that in my weakness He is strong, that I can do all things with His strength. I know that there is nothing I can't face with my Savior by my side.
So I went for this ultrasound, trying not to think the worst, but of course my natural human instincts kicked in and I kept having to rebuke my fear of the worst. I prayed that God would give the radiologist complete wisdom to know if there was a serious issue or not so that I could just move foward one way or the other. There was some mix up of which ultrasound tech was supposed to do my ultrasound and I just kept praying, "OK Lord, I'm trusting that You're putting me with the one I need to be with." I think the tech that I ended up with could tell I was nervous, so afterwards she told me she was going to see if the radiologist could talk to me about it before he went to lunch. When we were done, I waited as she went to talk to him and then she called me in and introduced me to doctor so and so and left the room. My heart was pounding and I had a lump in my throat. This is not the way it's supposed to happen. My doctor is supposed to get the results tomorrow, they call me and tell me, and now this man I don't know is fixing to tell me some news I don't want to hear? He was very kind and explained that he was not the doctor that was supposed to cover my case but that he would be happy to go over it with me. So I have a swollen lymphnode under my arm. He is assuming it is from nursing and thinks I need to have another ultrasound done in 3-6 months to make sure that it is shrinking and not growing. He didn't seem too concerned for now so hopefully all is well. But what if it wasn't? Or what if, when my doctor calls tomorrow, she has a different outlook on it and takes a higher concern?
Bottom line, I am a child of God. My life is in His hands. My desire is to be around for many, many more years. Not just to see my children grow up, but to see God's children grow up. I want to be used in such a mighty way for the furtherance of the Kingdom of God that I beg Him to allow me this honor and privilege! I want to be an example to women who have no hope, that with God, ALL things are possible. I want to teach young women what it means to be a child of God and the value they have on their lives. I want to be an instrument in leading people to the throne of God.
For the friends and family that have dealt with and are dealing with cancer, your lives are such a testimony of God's overwhelming grace and strength. Thank you for the inspiration that you have passed on to thousands of people! I pray for you daily that God's strength will sustain you and that His healing hands will embrace you. For those who have received ultimate healing and are present with the Lord....wow! I can just envision you standing before your Creator for the first time! As the song says, "I wouldn't ever want you to leave that place" but I pray for your families and those of us that are left behind to miss you terribly. I pray that we will be encouraged to know that one day, we will see you again.