I turned 39 a week ago today and had my first "concerned" doctors appointment this morning.  I went for a breast ultrasound because of some pain that I have been having for almost a year.  Honestly, I have put it off because I have always felt that if there was something wrong, I didn't want to know. I couldn't fathom thinking of my kids growing up without having me in their lives.  I would rather just go on to be with Jesus than to have to deal with knowing the inevitable. 
Over the last year I have had my dad diagnosed with kidney cancer, a dear friend just pass away with breast cancer, another childhood friend...a young mother of 4...diagnosed with colon cancer and several others that I know that are dealing with this terrible disease.  I have seen these friends and loved ones courageously face and fight this battle and it has been a true inspiration to me.  I still don't know if I could handle it with the grace that they have, but I know it encouraged me to go get checked!  I know that my Savior tells me that He will see me through anything, that in my weakness He is strong, that I can do all things with His strength.  I know that there is nothing I can't face with my Savior by my side.
So I went for this ultrasound, trying not to think the worst, but of course my natural human instincts kicked in and I kept having to rebuke my fear of the worst.  I prayed that God would give the radiologist complete wisdom to know if there was a serious issue or not so that I could just move foward one way or the other.  There was some mix up of which ultrasound tech was supposed to do my ultrasound and I just kept praying, "OK Lord, I'm trusting that You're putting me with the one I need to be with."  I think the tech that I ended up with could tell I was nervous, so afterwards she told me she was going to see if the radiologist could talk to me about it before he went to lunch.  When we were done, I waited as she went to talk to him and then she called me in and introduced me to doctor so and so and left the room.  My heart was pounding and I had a lump in my throat.  This is not the way it's supposed to happen.  My doctor is supposed to get the results tomorrow, they call me and tell me, and now this man I don't know is fixing to tell me some news I don't want to hear?  He was very kind and explained that he was not the doctor that was supposed to cover my case but that he would be happy to go over it with me.  So I have a swollen lymphnode under my arm.  He is assuming it is from nursing and thinks I need to have another ultrasound done in 3-6 months to make sure that it is shrinking and not growing.  He didn't seem too concerned for now so hopefully all is well.  But what if it wasn't?  Or what if, when my doctor calls tomorrow, she has a different outlook on it and takes a higher concern?
Bottom line, I am a child of God.  My life is in His hands.  My desire is to be around for many, many more years.  Not just to see my children grow up, but to see God's children grow up.  I want to be used in such a mighty way for the furtherance of the Kingdom of God that I beg Him to allow me this honor and privilege!  I want to be an example to women who have no hope, that with God, ALL things are possible.  I want to teach young women what it means to be a child of God and the value they have on their lives.  I want to be an instrument in leading people to the throne of God. 
For the friends and family that have dealt with and are dealing with cancer, your lives are such a testimony of God's overwhelming grace and strength.  Thank you for the inspiration that you have passed on to thousands of people!  I pray for you daily that God's strength will sustain you and that His healing hands will embrace you.  For those who have received ultimate healing and are present with the Lord....wow!  I can just envision you standing before your Creator for the first time!  As the song says, "I wouldn't ever want you to leave that place" but I pray for your families and those of us that are left behind to miss you terribly.  I pray that we will be encouraged to know that one day, we will see you again.

This has been an interesting year for me.  I took on the role of "Teacher" to my children.  This is something that I never thought that I would do.  Not because I don't enjoy having my children around me 24/7, but more because I am a by the book type of person.  I do things the way that they are normally done.  Get married, have kids, send them to school, get all my errands run, pick kids up, have dinner, bath time, bed time for kiddos then Mama/Daddy time.  This was the way that I was raised, this is the way that I thought it should be.  My sister-in-law has homeschooled her four boys all along and I was always so proud of her.  She has done a great job and I have always admired her, but never thought that it was my calling.  The more I prayed about the calling on my life as the mother of the children that God has blessed me with, I was convinced otherwise.  It is my calling to raise and nurture them in the admonition of Christ.  Deut. 6:5-7 says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.  Always remember these commands I give you today.  Teach them to your children and talk about them when you sit at home and walk along the road,when you lie down and when you get up."  I realized this year that I want to take advantage of every opportunity that I am given to teach my children about the amazing love of God.  I want to teach them in every aspect of their lives about loving the Lord with all of their heart, soul and strength and now I have an extra seven hours a day to do this! 
Things are going well.  We have our routine down and the kids seem to be doing great!  We have learned the seven continents and are traveling to each.  The picture is our continent cake!  We have "traveled" through North America, learning all the states in the US and some major ones in Canada and Mexico.  We then entered South America and did a large study on Brazil.  Now we are in the continent of Europe and are studying Norway.  The boys have one more lesson in their year curriculum of math so they will move on to the next level after making A's on most of their tests. Carmen is working on all second grade things instead of first.  I am very proud of each of them and I thank God for giving me this opportunity.  I see it as a very high calling and responsibility and am leaning on my Savior to give me the wisdom and strength that I need to fulfill this call.
The other role that is new for me this year is the role of being the lead pastor's wife.  Most of my and Derrick's marriage I have been a worship pastor's wife.  This was a role that was very familiar to me.  I was raised as a worship pastor's daughter, one of my passions is leading in worship and Derrick and I have always been very comfortable in this role.  God is stretching both of us and has blessed us with the opportunity to lead a wonderful group of people that we love so much and with them hope to reach the community which surrounds our church.  In the last six months we have seen God do some amazing things and I am honored to be a part!
So these are my new roles that I will grow in daily and pray that Jesus be glorified.  God has called you to a significant work and He will equip you to do it!  Will you be faithful and do it?