At this moment I am listening to my three year old cry as he sits on the potty because he would rather wear diapers his whole life, and my 5 month old is crying any time I get out of her sight.   I truly want to join them (in crying - not sitting on the potty)!  The past couple of weeks have been somewhat trying.  In comparison to most, I know I have NOTHING to complain about, but I think we all have our moments.
As a pastor's wife, people tend to put us up on a pedastal at times thinking we have the perfect life with no strife.  As tears stream down my face I can tell you that is far from the truth.  I am just a normal, down to earth gal who hurts, gets mad, feels lonely at times and I can throw myself a kickin' pity part too.  I think, as scripture says, there is a time for everything (Ecc. 3:1).  God does not expect us to have a plastic smile on our face when we are crying on the inside.  Remember He knows our every thought anyway (I John 3:20).  What He does want us to do is turn to Him in our times of sorrow, frustration or exhaustion.  He promises that when we are weak, He is strong (II Cor. 13:9)!  He promises to turn our mourning into gladness (Jer. 31:3).  He promises to make all things turn out for good when you love Him.
So as I'm keeping it real this morning and have caused you to join my pity party, I am so thankful for friends that allow me the opportunity to be real and love me anyway.  I am also eternally grateful to a loving Savior and friend who allows me the opportunity to crawl up in His lap and let Him wrap His arms around me as He assures me that He is in control and everything is going to be o.k.
Rest in God's promises today and let's have a kickin dance party instead!  :)

For those of you who know me well, you know that I have always been the naive type, very unaware of my surroundings and just walk around whistling dixie in my fantasy land.  I never watched the news growing up, or really even until the last few years.  Who wanted to hear all that bad/sad news anyway?  Fortunately I have a husband that has wisened me up a bit and has literally sat me down in front of the news to see that there really is evil in the world.  As I have "grown up" and sip my coffee in the mornings while I watch the news, my heart just weeps to hear of one more financial guru that has committed suicide because of our economy and the state that it's in.  It sickens me to hear of just one more political leader that has been unfaithful to his wife.  When I hear of another kidnapping, I want to just grab all my children and all live in a bubble.  It baffles me to hear of yet another shooting rampage as I try to figure out what this world has come to.
So yes, now I am aware of my surroundings.  I am even more aware that there is a lost and dying world out there that needs a Savior.  I wrote a poem about a year ago that I would love to share.


I Want More
Hear I am watching the majesty of your handiwork.
Watching the waves crash in the ocean and seeing the
grains of sand that are too many to count.
In this moment, I long to hear your voice, to know you’re here,
and to see a glimpse of you.
Help me to understand the madness that surrounds my life.
I don’t have to know all the answers, just bring some peace to the strife.
What am I to learn from all of this?  What do you want me to do?
Please purify me all over and make my life new.
I desire the best for my family and I know that you do to, so please
protect us and help us to live only through you.
Open doors wide to things I never knew existed.
To a world where you’re all that matters in our feeble existence.
Show me things I’ve never seen before…big,
WOW things that show that you are God.
You said in your word that with your holy spirit we would be
able to do even more than you did in your time here on earth…
Why has no one’s faith taken your word for what it’s worth?
I want to be the one.  The one to show your greatness.
Use me Lord to do what none has done before.
I’m so tired of religion, politics and procedures…
the formality of what people think church is for.
Lord, I don’t want to do that anymore.
I want my life to matter for your kingdom. 
 To see your handiwork now through life change and freedom.
 Nothing brings more joy than to see your creation
When for the first time they receive your mercy and hope…What elation!
This is what I desire from you Lord.  Put us in a place where we see this more.
In a place where people hunger for your goodness, your mercy and your truth.
God this is what I want for my life!  I want your handiwork to come to know you!
Give me the boldness for a new work ahead.
Give me the anointing so they see, not me, but you instead.
Give me the wisdom to tread where none have trod.
Give me the peace to rest in you, God.
I love you, I need you, I lay my life at your feet.
Now use me sweet Jesus and let none defeat!

So lets definitely all be aware of our surroundings, but keep in mind that "He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world!"  If only we could have a revival of people who WANT MORE and come with boldness to do all that we can do through the power of the Holy Spirit!  We are the light that should surround the darkness.  Or better yet should smother it!!!!  Let's wake up people and do what Christ intends.  Wake up!  Speak up!  Let's embrace these lost and dying and escort them to the throne of our Heavenly Father where there is SALVATION, FREEDOM AND HOPE!

My birthday is tomorrow and I'm sitting here quietly (I know, it's a rare moment among my household!) wondering if the past 38 years mattered?  Who am I? 

I began as a daughter.  A long awaited for daughter.  My parents had prayed for 8 years to have another child, and after two miscarriages, my mom finally had me.  I know I have brought many smiles to their faces and many tears to their  eyes, but I hope that the smiles outweigh the tears!

I then became a child of my precious Savior.  As I think back, it's funny because I know He waited for me a long time too as I shifted through my own way of realizing He was all I needed!  Since I was "born" into His family, I, again, have brought smiles to His face and tears to His eyes, but my daily prayer is to place a big smile on my Heavenly Father's face.  I know I let Him down time and time again, but I'm hoping that the smiles outweigh the tears!

23 years later I became a wife.  Perfect in all my ways!!!! :)  What's up?  Derrick waited for me too!  He turned 30 the day after we were married.  Doesn't the Bible say something about good things come to those who wait????  I'm learning something new about myself through my own blogging!  :)  Anyway, I can definitely say that I try very hard to be a good wife; however, I know I fall short many times!  Thankfully, Derrick and I have a wonderful, healthy marriage and again...I hope the smiles outweigh the tears!

30 years after I was born I became a Mama.  I love this title!  I prayed so long and hard to hear little voices calling me "Mama!"  I do have my days where I have to remind myself of this!  You know one of those days that if you hear "Mama" called one more time you would like to escape to one of those Calgon commercials!  People ask me how I do it with five little ones....I wouldn't have it any other way!  They are my most precious little blessings and I thank my faithful Jesus for them each and every day!  I do pray for patience at times, but I hope that as I rock them to sleep or kiss their bo-bo's or cheer them on that their smiles will outweigh their tears!

I am also a sister, a sis-in-law, a grand-daughter, a niece, an aunt, a cousin, a pastor's wife and a friend.  I thank each of you for allowing me a place in your life whether you had a choice in the matter or not.  I have mentioned before that my life's prayer has been for God to use my life in a MIGHTY way.  I also have another life's prayer...that in some way my life has brought a smile to your face!  If it has been over the last 38 years or if our paths have just crossed, I hope I have a part in making your smiles far outweigh your tears!!!!